This site is for people who are burdened in their soul and spirit for the future of America, an America without the God of its founding fathers.  While it is meant to be controversial in the subject matter presented, it is not a left or right wing “hate” or “political site.” 

This blog, spirit.indwelling.org, and the web site indwelling.org are companion publications of the web site, northloopcottage.com and blog.northloopcottage.com. While blog.northloopcottage.com was primarily religious in nature, it also contained posts of political, humor and various categories of everyday life.  

Spirit.indwelling.org is focused primarily on the indwelling Holy Spirit of God in the lives of believers and will include testimonials from believers of how the Holy Spirit can transform lives. Its purpose is to spread the Gospel Message of Jesus Christ and to help believers, new and old, to become aware of the workings of God’s Holy Spirit in their lives. 

What is your burden and have you forgiven yourself and anyone who may have caused your burden?  Jesus Christ will forgive and cleanse your burden if only you will accept his forgiveness and in turn forgive those who have burdened you. 

I carried my own personal cross (burden) for over sixty years.  What cross are you carrying? I wish someone had told me how to relinquish my burden, but in reality someone did, but I just did not understand.  Maybe you are the same way.

My burden was an accident I caused that resulted in the loss of my brother’s sight in his right eye.  I carried this burden and punished myself for this accident that happened when I was seven years old and my brother was five.  Forgiveness for me was when I told my brother I was sorry and I forgave myself.  I tell the story of this accident in the chapter (to be explained later) entitled, “My Testimony: The Dark Years.”   

“Hello, my name is Bill” would be my introductory statement when I was in the business world and attending training classes. I would often introduce myself as bashful, boring Bill.  If you have ever been to a training class you will understand.  It seemed appropriate at the time for the way I viewed my life. After passing the sixty-five year mark several years ago, I now just think of myself as boring Bill. 

Throughout my life I have often though it only takes one significant achievement, or one unfortunate failure to define one’s life.  I have always told my friends, “You only need one good song, one good book, one large fish, one good movie role or one good “something” that you were recognized for that virtually defined your life’s success.” 

The opposite of one good something is one bad something.  In my case it was one bad something at the age of seven that defined my life: a bad decision that led to the harm of my brother physically and to me emotionally.  On the outside I appeared “normal” but on the inside I carried a burden, my own cross I like to call it, for many, many years before I ever released it. Maybe you have had your one good something or one bad something. 

Maybe you have had both.  In either case your life was probably changed for the better or worse depending on how you responded and how you continued to respond over the years.   

“Confessions of a Closet Christian” is my self written biography (bio) about my journey through life and how I have handled my “one bad something.”  In my bio I write about an episode where I first heard and experienced the power of God; I was only four years old, but the experience is as vivid today in my mind as it was some sixty-one years ago. This episode could have been my one bad something in that my life would have ended, but it turned out to be “my one good something,” but I’ll save that discussion for later.  It indeed defined the course of my life.  

Friends have asked why I would want to write about my life?  Believe me, I have asked myself the same question, and the answer is this: I have always been a quiet, reserved and private person, and mostly thought of myself as a listener, not a talker.  Being just a listener and not a talker is not good.  You end up all alone in a world you build around yourself.  

People are intimidated by a quiet person and don’t quite know how to take them.  As written in Proverbs and as I have offended remarked, “it is better to be quiet and thought a fool than to speak up and be proven a fool.” I have paraphrased the actual verse.   

When asked by my wife why I don’t actively participate in conversations with her and her family I only remark that by the time I think of something new to add to the conversation, they have moved on to another topic.  You might say I’m a little slow. 

Your voice quality is a big deal in conversing with others.  I have often found myself talking with no one listening.  It is often the loud, through no fault of their own, that are heard over others.  But, I’m digressing and need to get back to my thought. 

I’m trying to explain to my wife, children and grandchildren who their husband, father and grandfather was and what he believed.  I should have been doing this from the days of my youth, but I did not know how.  I was always naïve and slow of mouth until I recognized and accepted the fullness of life promised by Jesus Christ to those who believed. 

You see, we are all a little different but yet all the same.  It takes differences to live in a world of endless possibilities—differences of human characteristics, but not differences of beliefs.  For those of us who believe in the God of the Bible, we must confess Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and serve him as the Holy Spirit directs.   

If you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, just whom do you believe.  Don’t say God because the God you say you believe in is the God of the Bible; this is assuming you call yourself a Christian.  If you had read your Bible and believed what was written, you would believe in Jesus Christ.  You must believe in another god and his name is Lucifer.   

My body, soul and spirit cannot deny the existence of God.  I was programmed that way from the beginning. I have never denied the existence of God!  My writing is a feeble attempt to explain how I have survived the “demons” of the world.  Read along as I “confess” some of my innermost thoughts and hopefully you will be enlightened to confess your own demons, as I refer to them, that are alive and intent on destroying your happiness and salvation.  I know others, like me, are out there and need help. 

My genetic preprogramming prevented me from being captured by the spirit world of evil.  Whether you believe in a spiritual world or not, I do.  I want my family and friends to understand this and to know the dangers that lie ahead and to be prepared.  That preparation starts with the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  

I never considered myself a writer nor did I ever have a desire to write.  In fact, writing was always a struggle for me.  The writing of a simple “Thank You” note brought on an almost total loss of words; it was a nightmarish struggle that I still choose to avoid.  While in the business world I did learn to write letters, but those simple notes haunted me and still haunt me.   

About two years ago I began to awake before dawn with simple thoughts.  I would make my way upstairs to my office and my computer where I would quickly start placing my thoughts in a word-processing file.  On some mornings it might only be a simple paragraph, but on other occasions, my thoughts were pages.  Some would take a religious or political view while others would be more humorous.   

Once I started recording my thoughts, I wrote what I began to call, “My Story; a Story of Paranoia.”  It is a story of my early childhood and why I feel there is a God.  It is a story that does not involve drugs, sex, alcohol, physical abuse, thievery or meanness but a story of depression, anxiety, and loneliness.  A story that is not typically told regarding one’s mental thoughts yet a story that for many, I feel, have lived or are still living.   

My simple morning thoughts soon turned into a voluminous number of connected thoughts and so my journey began as I attempted to organize and compile related material.  Since many of my initial writings were not wordy, a blog format soon got its start as more of a way to organize and store rather than the endeavors of a true blogger. 

My biography is thus a composite of various blogs that I have written along with deeper thoughts regarding subject matter that was too lengthy for presentation in a blog format.   My story was never written to be shared with the world; it was written for my children and solely to explain why I was so sheltering and paranoid as a parent.  Bottom line, I always felt inadequate as a parent, and it was my way of saying, “I’m sorry.”  

I hope you fine my thoughts interesting and thought provoking.  Your life may find meaning, your body, soul and spirit may find peace that surpasses all understanding or you may just occasionally have a good laugh.

Journey with me now to the pit of hell, but from there to a bright hope for tomorrow!  

Comments to: billery@theindwelling.org

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